Let there be WORDS!!!

There is a fear of trying, a fear of starting and a fear of continuing. This “triad of fear” can stem from the unknown and a feeling of failure & defeat. Once the decision is made to create, how long does one keep going? How long will the momentum last? Fear and anxiety try to clutter the mind, leaving one overwhelmed and demotivated. Creating along the path can continue when one acknowledges the fears that haunt them.

On January 22, 2022, I had a “moment.”

It woke me up one night & compelled me to write for over 2 hours. That moment was the trigger to start this creative journey.

I wrote about this WOW moment for the first time in this Twitter thread.

I decided February 1st would be DAY 1 of a new daily writing routine for a few reasons:

1. It was the beginning of a new month,

2. It was Chinese New Year, so it was the start of “a” new year,

3. Um, actually… that’s it. That’s all I got.

At the time I didn’t know what my writing goal was. Past experiences made me afraid and embarrassed in advance of the mistakes I assumed I would make. All I knew was that I wanted to write again.

Instead of fearing them, I pulled from these experiences to get myself started.

I settled on a simple writing routine so I wouldn’t screw up. Fear still found a way to get to me. I was afraid of what my friends and family would say. I feared the people in my past that trashed my writing would find a way to criticize me again. I was scared to write in public. I was worried my writing would suck super bad. I was afraid I would quit and never write again.

I started anyway.

I set a personal goal for myself and joined Twitter as an accountability tool. And, because I was journaling every day to start my day, I documented my rollercoaster of emotions along the way.

Here's a synopsis of the first 100 days:

• Day 1: I started writing daily after a LONG hiatus. Let… there… be… WORDS!

• Day 7: I wrote seven days in a row! Not bad, not bad!

• Day 9: I want to quit. Keep going; try one more day.

• Day 10: Hmm, I have some ideas for a newsletter. Meh - I’ll get to that later!

• Day 13: Wrote down a vivid dream.

• Day 18: Wrote down: “Writing is not a linear path.” What the hell does that mean?

• Day 21: Starting to break down the fear of writing. Take THAT, fearful thoughts!

• Day 23: Feeling angry and defeated AGAIN! Just what is this feeling? I will try writing it out.

• Day 28: I made it to the end of the month! Wait, it’s February, the shortest month of the year - argh! Does it still count as a milestone? My happy place says YES.

• Day 30: Hit my secret 30-day goal. Whoo, I’m a champion! Do I keep going? Why not?

• Day 34: Writing every day is HARD! I don't want to do this anymore.

• Day 35: Oh my crap, I love what’s coming out of my pencil right now. I LOVE WRITING!!!

• Day 42: Letting my hair down (which is hard because I have an afro) and being more public about my journey.

• Day 50: I made it to 50 days. Yay, what now? Keep going!

• Day 57: What did I just write? Nothing I wrote down makes any sense. Is it too early to drink? Frustrated. Boo.

• Day 59: I’m more comfortable publicly sharing my daily writing. Even strangers on Twitter are rooting me on. I don’t understand how, but this routine is sticking.

• Day 64: The frustration of finding these words comes in waves like the fear that blankets me. Ride along and see where it goes.

• Day 68: I’m afraid I will mess up and miss a day. I’m afraid to fail.

• Day 70: Hey, can I make it to 100? CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!

• Day 77: Connecting with people on a similar path is motivating. I AM NOT CRAZY! Well, I am no longer crazy and alone! 🙃

• Day 84: I am moody if I don’t write before 6am. I can’t start the rest of my day without writing first.

• Day 95: Is this really happening? Am I writing every day? It seems so much easier now than when I first started.

• Day 100: HAPPY DANCE! What now? Keep going!

The most amazing part about the first 100 days of my journey is how it evolved into something I never imagined:

• Words became easier to write down.

• I experienced changes in my overall mood & productivity.

• My writing anxiety subsided.

• I met new & amazing people along the way that wanted to support me.

Daily writing became more than just a routine. Writing is now a part of my life. It is my morning coffee & my mid-day snack. Every so often, it is also a late-night treat!

Like any new creative endeavour, you will never know if it is where you need to be unless you start. If I didn’t face the “triad of fear,” I wouldn’t be writing today. The memories I carry from Day 1 are documented in my journal as a reminder to START and KEEP GOING!

Day 100 did not feel like an end or another beginning. It was a new milestone achieved, which I still celebrate.

Today marks Day 423. I keep writing to see where the path leads me next.

Newsletters today… tomorrow, WORLD DOMINATION (or a blog???). 🙂

Enjoy YOUR journey every step of the way!

~Naddy/Nadine