- Write From My Gut ~The Newsletter
- Posts
- Riding the Dragon
A quick hello to current and new subscribers alike! Thank you for joining me along this writing journey. It’s been a bumpy and exhilarating ride these past 437 days!
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What are you most afraid of when it comes to creating? Have you ever explored why that particular fear exists? Is the fear being fed by the voices in your head from your past, the projected voices fabricated to represent your future, or current feedback from real-life persons in your present?
Photo by Nsey Benajah on Unsplash
I used to believe the fear of starting something new was my biggest hurdle. I assumed the feeling would go away once I started.
Fear of failure and quitting replaced the fear to start. The fear never went away, it just found another way to exist. When I started to doubt myself, the fear reared its ugly head. I was debilitated, lonely and unsure of what to do.
At first.
I used to try ignoring the fear but it would grow. The best analogy I have for it is a monster or dragon consuming every part of my being. The only thing I felt I could do is to curl up in a corner and hope the fear would ride over me.
It took some time to discover it was easier to work with the fear than to run away or give up.
Woke up late this morning with a heavy nervous feeling I haven't felt in months. The dragon of fear nearly consumed me.
I took a deep breath and chose to ride that dragon.
I wrote down my feelings.
I wrote out my fears, doubts, and frustrations, as well as the things that I was happy about and grateful for.
I looked fear straight in the face and was consumed by the fire but did not burn because I decided I didn't want it to hurt me anymore.
Before I followed my gut, I cowered away from the fear. The darkness became familiar and comforting. I was blinded to the light peering through the cave.
Photo by Ivana Cajina on Unsplash
Dragons, in certain folklore, represent a sense of chaos and untamed nature. Because of the chaos in my mind, I was terrified of my dragon.
I had to choose to either become consumed by the fear and remain in the dark or ride the dragon out of the cave.
It was not a fun ride.
The dragon tried many times to take charge.
I pulled on the reins.
It resisted.
We both struggled for dominance neither of us could control.
Then I realized
I knew it could no longer hurt me.
Eventually, we came to a mutual understanding.
The ride became calm.
With both feet on the ground
I thanked the dragon.
We can now walk alongside each other in peace.
Some use fear as a driver to create. Riding alongside the fear may help to discover what the next part of the journey will be. For some writers, it may be writing their first memoir or book, submitting an article to a prestigious publication, or launching a newsletter or website. Other creators may want to experiment with a new genre or medium or tool. It can be exciting to explore and start something new. Sometimes that excitement is mistaken for a fear that holds us back and we become curled up in the cave again. There is no need to slay the dragon, especially if it will propel us to create amazing things.
I want to have a healthy relationship with my fear of writing. I chose to make peace with myself knowing the fear will never fully go away. Even when certain things seem out of reach, I now know that my dragon can be a guide toward my aspirations.
Whether the fear is true or not, when is it time to leave the cave? Is the dragon really there? Is it trying to keep you inside?
When we burrow ourselves into the cave for a long time, we can lose a sense of reality. It's not easy to break out of the comforts. Documentation is key to creating order out of the chaos. Writing down our fears (in a journal or dedicated notebook or app for documenting your craft) is a great step towards recognizing the fears we carry. After we identify the chaos, we need to determine the best way to ride out of the cave with that dragon. This may involve talking to close friends and family, joining a creative group, accessing professional therapy, or discovering a new activity to calm the mind (yoga, meditation and journaling to name a few).
Creative fears can hold us back. Follow the fear by riding the dragon.
The most beautiful feeling is when we can see the beauty in all facets of fear, and choose to go for it anyway.
Photo by Nick Shandra on Unsplash
Ride on, fellow creators. Continue to soar among the clouds.
~Naddy/Nadine