THE TREE, pt. 1

May 12, 2023, marks the day I had another “experience.”

It started like any other Friday these past few months. The only difference was I escaped my home for a walk. I don’t get out much on a work day and I wanted to go to the bank during my lunch break.  

I stepped outside with no jacket for the first time this calendar year. The warm sunshine was a lovely welcome to the outdoors.

I didn’t notice much else as I was engaged in multiple conversations taking place over Slack, WhatsApp and text all at once. Instead of enjoying the break from my computer and the fresh city air, I was immersed in mobile chitchat.

One particular discussion had me engaged in a negative thought bubble I didn’t realize I was feeding. The conversation was an exchange of different aspects of our lives not going “according to plan.” I blurted out in my mind “LIFE SUCKS!” It festered in my brain as I continued other conversations.

I live in the heart of the city. Everybody was outside smiling and enjoying the warm weather. I was frowning and clenching my jaw. I didn’t realize my walk shifted into a slouch.

As I continued to the bank, a random thought crossed my mind about how lucky I was and how much I love living in the city. Yet I was still trapped in the sucky life bubble.

At an intersection close to my destination, I noticed a mess of petals on the sidewalk. I looked up and stared at the cherry blossom tree shedding its petals.

I froze. At that moment I thought: “WOW! This is LIFE. I mean, look at this TREE! It’s ALIVE and sharing its beauty with us.”

No, I was not high from the pollen. I was in a state of complete AWE. The tree emanated so much energy it was blinding and overwhelming. I had an epiphany that grounded me and popped the negative bubble festering in my mind. I was no longer slouching and felt more relaxed.

Rather than capture this SUPER COOL moment right then and there, I continued to the bank.

“Meh! I’ll write it down later,” I told myself.

After the bank, I returned home to start work for the afternoon.

I wrote this at the end of the (work) day:

I stopped writing. There was nothing left to add. I blanked out.

The above ramblings may seem like I captured a lot. There was one problem. They were not my original thoughts from earlier that day! This was a completely different thought stream. I lost those SUPER COOL profound ideas I imagined I would remember forever.

ARGH!!!

I kept asking myself over the weekend: Why didn’t I write it down as soon as it happened? OR record my voice? What made me hold back?

On Sunday, I walked by the same tree. I took a photo. The tree already looked different from the moment experienced on Friday. It also gave off a different vibe: a calmer, more forgiving energy. I felt less guilty about not remembering the specific ideas from Friday’s moment.

In the middle of everything going on around us, we can stop to appreciate the blooming right in front of us. How do we capture these blooms? What keeps us from not capturing them? Are all moments meant to be recorded?

As a writer and avid journaler, I want to encapsulate all moments somewhere. If I spend all my time capturing moments, I am no longer living in the moment. I wouldn’t have enjoyed my walk and appreciated the sunshine & warm weather. There is no need to mourn for a moment I didn't completely lose.

I enjoy writing about being in the present state. When I am not writing I forget to BE HERE NOW. The tree experience reminded me of this. Being in the flow means letting go of past and future fears. It was all other thoughts I needed a break from to appreciate what was right in front of me.

There is more I want to write about this tree. Instead, I will continue my ramblings next week.

OK, you must be saying to yourself, how much can this girl write about a flippin’ TREE??? Part 2 will focus on reflection and desperation behind trying to record EVERYTHING. Comedy or tragedy? Stay tuned for next week’s newsletter...

Remember to enjoy each moment as they come, fellow CREATORS.

Naddy/Nadine