Twitter "High"

Who thought this would be a good idea?

Hundreds of hormone-driven, socially anxious “senior children” are trapped in one space together for a certain length of time, multiple times a week.

No, I am not talking about high school.

And yet, I do feel my Twitter experience has been similar.

But first, as one would say in Twitter Spaces: Let’s reset the room…

I avoided mainstream social media for many, many years. Like high school, you hear so many bad things about it - the bullies, the smell, the loud music…

I set up my Twitter account in February 2022. Initially, I planned NOT to engage with anyone on the platform because I was warned they were all freaks and trolls. I tried my best at first to be a loner in Freaktown. This became more difficult with peer pressure since I wanted to “fit in.”

I thought my first impressions overall about Twitter were wrong. Last Spring I wrote an apology letter to Twitter:

Did I write this a tad too soon?

LABELS are the easiest way for an impressionable mind to determine where one fits in the spectrum of the universe. A LABEL is how one is identified and restricted to, or out of, certain groups. This conditioned behaviour continues in adulthood as a coping mechanism.

I found a diverse crowd on Twitter strongly attached to their labels: jocks, prom queens, nerds, class clowns, junkies, that one angry kid living on the edge... I encountered soft-core feminists, proud “bro-pods,” angry nature lovers, confused conspiracy theorists, anti-this, pro-that, and all the other touchy religious, political or uber-rich-boy rants I already avoid in real life.

Once a label was placed on me, it was hard to shake off. I started as the NEWBIE who knew nothing. I took the rejection and misdirection personally. I assumed I was being teased, insulted, discriminated against, and purposely left out of conversations because of an imaginary stack-ranking system I wasn’t privy to. Past experiences of being left out didn’t help, either.

Last week I wrote about my experience with the first group of “cool kids” I met on Twitter. The first encounters made my nerves overflow when I first spoke in “Twitter Spaces” (live audio conversations on Twitter). As kind as some were, the debate team had no place for me.

With a bruised ego, I came to terms that I was trying to play with the wrong teams. I needed to find a tribe with similar interests as me, like chess club or band camp. 

Not everyone wants to adjust the labels once they’re placed. It is easier to label and ignore than to get to know people. Which is even harder when not in person.

It would be weird to talk about labels without mentioning the elephant in the room. For those who didn’t notice, I’m Black. Do you know how many labels there are for Black people? At the very least, I didn’t want to be labelled as anyone’s “Token” Twitter friend or a checkmark on somebody’s DEI channel.

Knowing what you need or want in a support system is just as important as knowing what you don't want.

I initially questioned every interaction with Twitter strangers. Some genuinely tried to reach out & connect. Still, I assumed everyone was reaching for digital “first base.” Too many questions and comments would come to mind: “Why are you liking my stuff? I am not rich or popular (slightly better looking than some but no prom queen…)! Maybe you didn’t notice I’m BLACK…? I have less than 1,000 followers - what do you REALLY want from me?! Stop peeping in my locker, freaks! STRANGER DANGER! STRANGER DANGER!!!”

How did I survive high school? I chose to connect with individuals of various backgrounds, regardless of their labels. I hung out with the drama kids and studied with the nerds. I enjoyed learning about new cultures and lifestyles from the foreign exchange students. I stood next to the smoking crowd… and didn’t smoke (I assumed I was getting fresh air by going outside between classes… damn you, secondhand smoke!). I must have worked through my fears back then to be open enough to engage with so many teens.

With my hormones in check (and zits at bay), I remained at Twitter High. Even so, the algorithm shifts more often than your popular ranking based on the latest high school trend. I needed to feel comfortable if I was going to engage. I became selective with who I followed and which tweets I engaged with. I located the MUTE button - I don’t have to block an individual AND I can have their conversations blocked from my feed. Many celebrities, politicians and uber-rich kids were muted. I’m sure this labelled me again as an ODDBALL absentee since I didn’t TWEET every day.

A few changes to my feed & behaviour on the platform propelled me to senior year. Twitter Spaces, once my nemesis, slowly became an ally. I came across a Space dedicated to Public Speaking. I shared my confusion about my love for public speaking vs my fear of speaking in Spaces at the time. I received kind, constructive feedback from the hosts and speakers which I will never forget. This was one of the foundational blocks I used to keep going at school… I mean at high school, I mean on Twitter.

I was extremely intimidated at first to engage with a group of female writers. Fears of being rejected and ridiculed brought back vivid memories of my high school “mean girls." I decided to listen and learn first as to what the group was about. When I finally gained confidence, I opened up and was immediately welcomed without judgement. No mean girls here! I participated with other writing groups, yet I continue to love & appreciate the raw honesty & support of this core group of women writers.

From these two groups, I met & followed some faces with a massive hard-on for Journaling. They rocked my world, showing me places I didn't know existed on another plane. I became a journaling pothead. I consistently experimented with different types of journaling methods & tools which expanded my creative writing experience. It became addictive. I would have never found GEL PENS if it weren’t for this group.

A newfound love for writing poetry through journaling introduced me to another group of writers, coaches, healers, naturists and more. The interweaving of individuals as part of my writing path has been a magical experience.

Twitter is not the easiest place to navigate. Neither was high school. I made it through and live to tell the tale for both.

Finding the right clan can help you discover or rediscover your love of the craft. I beam with pride like a geek groupie when others share their successes. It makes me believe anything is possible.

And success is in the eye of the beholder. As of today, I co-host a weekly Journaling Twitter Space and recently started a monthly Parenting Space. Soon I plan to start releasing content alongside my family to support other artists of all ages. I am not a “professional” or “published” writer yet (ACK-more labels!!!), yet I love writing this newsletter. Some may consider this a success. Others will continue to push my books to the floor. The bullies don’t scare me as much as they used to.

If I were graduating today as valedictorian, my speech would focus on the path being bumpy at first. Perseverance and finding the right tribes along the way saved me from the “labelling pitfalls” and helped my creativity bloom more. I would add other mushy stuff, yadda-yadda-yadda, and then I’d throw my cap.

I don’t plan to graduate from Twitter yet. There are still many courses to take, more guidance counselors to console me, and more friendships to build.

All the best in finding the right tribes for your journey,

Naddy/Nadine