Letting go of Stranger Danger

I took the first step on my writing path 794 days ago.  Now I am focusing on other things which contribute to my staying on the path - stronger routines, self-care, and communities.

I read a great quote on Twitter, which I wrote in my journal on February 26th:

Earlier in the day, I joined my first writer’s workshop since starting my creative journey over two years ago. I always found a reason not to attend these types of interactive sessions:

• I don’t have the time;

• I don’t know if I will understand what is being shared;

• Other writers will judge me;

• I am not a writer anyway. Why attend?;

• I suck… period;

• And so on.

After attending the workshop, I wanted to seek more interactive communities to learn and grow with.

This writing event brought back vivid memories of my first-ever writing workshop I was excited to learn and share outside my friendship circle during the week-long event as a teenager. I enjoyed the stories from other teen writers, learned how to provide constructive criticism, and appreciated the recommendations from the instructor. However, I was hurt to read some anonymous feedback about my writing: immature, boring, and not funny. One individual told me to stop writing. 

I became weary of sharing my stories with strangers after this event.

The recent workshop in February was different. I attended a Zoom session with other women writers where we first took part in well-led writing exercises. The second half of the session was an open share of the work we created during the workshop. It was a lovely two hours of support and camaraderie. I heard stories that were uplifting, heartbreaking, thought-provoking, inspiring, and everything in between. I was surprised with the writing I did in a short period, and the group enjoyed the comedic spin I took on the prompts. 

I know what you are thinking - one group was immature hormone-filled teens and the other was middle-aged hormone-depleted women. Huge difference, right? The difference wasn’t the groups, it was ME and my attitude: 

• I am not a teenager anymore;

• I am not afraid to meet new people;

• I am not afraid to receive crappy criticism;

• Not every community will work for me; and

• I don’t SUCK.

My perspectives have changed -not only about creating but also about how I perceive strangers and new communities. 

Upon reflection, it was not the critiques of unknown individuals that caused me to lose my passion for writing.  It was people I knew. And yet we are always more afraid of strangers hurting us.  This is the problem with the phrase “stranger danger” - it only accounts for the fear of being taken advantage of by strangers but not by those you know.

Creative “stranger danger” is a fear of being part of a creative community where you know nobody and being hurt or discouraged by them when they have little context about your work. We become afraid of being stung by strangers and forget it can be our friends or families who sting harder.

I used to fear sharing for many reasons I have discussed in previous newsletters. Fear holds us back from pursuing our passions, even parts of it.  Fear will convince us we are unworthy. When you add external influences of being PERFECT and confused messaging of “right vs. wrong,” it makes one’s creative path difficult to continue, let alone start.

I was always afraid to join a workshop or meet-up. “I’m not good enough to join a writing clan,” I used to tell myself.

Good enough for what, “other me” now ask.

Over the years I’ve had to remind myself I am not alone. Other creatives are on their journey fumbling along the way like me. Some want to do it alone. Others want to work together.

This was something I discovered when I first joined Twitter High (more commonly known as the letter “X”). I tried to fit into certain groups I thought I had to be a part of (with little success). I gravitated towards other groups supporting each other’s journeys. 

I thought back to taking the giant leap at the edge of a cliff… only to discover it was never a cliff.  It was a bump on the path. This feeling hasn’t changed when meeting new people.

There are groups in person and online where creatives can get together and share their aspirations, intentions and accomplishments. There are a multitude of writing groups. I continue to struggle when I introduce my creative self to strangers. I still have the teenage me lurking in the back, the one that was told to quit. But I won’t quit. I love writing and I love storytelling.  And there are many more creatives out there learning from my mistakes!

I don’t need to hold onto teenage me. But I do. I embrace the teenager in me, my inner child and all other parts of me, giving thanks for the experiences I had in the past to get me where I am now.

A community can make or break your creative journey, yet the power to put your journey into other peoples’ hands is yours. You may find your tribe in the unlikeliness of places. Be open to exploring. It is easier to work alongside a group than alone. I will continue to work on stepping out of my comfort zone… one meet-up or Zoom call at a time.

I’m grateful to have you all as part of my community, fellow creatives.

See you in two weeks!

Nadine