Pulling Out The Mind Worms

I have a new laptop computer! Cue the sparklers!

Are you thinking:

• “Who cares?”

• “Why are you showing off?”

• “Why did you spend money you don’t have on something you don’t need?”

• Or something similar to “You suck.”

I won’t get upset if these or similar thoughts immediately popped into your head. Up until a month ago, these thoughts were mine (except for the “You suck” mind worm).

I have been relying on other laptops and tablets in the household for personal activities, including writing, for years. Until recently, I did not have my own. And, for some time, the idea of purchasing a computer for my creative journey would be shot down by old limiting beliefs and untrue fears (e.g. I can’t spend that much money, I’m selfish for thinking about myself, I don’t deserve a computer, and so on). 

Many technical mishaps in my writing journey this year pushed me to think harder about how I invest in my writing. For far too long, I didn’t. I wanted to be frugal and more “responsible” with money, believing I should not spend money on myself other than necessities.  

After the mid-August purchase, my daughter asked if I would write a newsletter on the new computer. At the time I said no. I thought it would be too egoic. Who wants to read about my shiny new baby, I mean, computer? 

I could have taken this newsletter on a technical writing journey about my new purchase, such as: 

• How the newsletter process is smoother in comparison to previous ones in the Spring and Summer; or 

• The idea of having access to the proper (working) tools along the creative journey. 

Or the theme could have been centred around the importance of creating a clear vision for the things you want in your life.  I wrote in my journal how I wanted a computer but didn’t plan on how to get one… at first. Eventually, I wrote down all the specs I wanted and discussed a potential purchase with the family. All of a sudden I was at Best Buy standing in front of a shiny new baby, I mean computer, I never saw on their website. It had every specification I wanted AND it was cheaper than what I budgeted to spend. 

I prefer to share why this purchase became an important keystone in my writing journey. I kept talking myself out of getting a new computer for years, even before I started writing daily. My hubby told me I deserved a new computer of my own to do my writing and other work. Mark doesn’t hold back on his creative needs to succeed, whether it’s acquiring unique coloured stains for clay, researching a new book on nerakomi techniques, or sourcing raw materials for experimentation. He figures out the time and expenses required for each project and rarely becomes discouraged or defeated. If anything, Mark is a great example of limitless beliefs.

I've had the computer for a few weeks and can see how damaging my limiting beliefs were. I convinced myself I didn't deserve a new computer or to invest in myself or my love of writing. Instead, I used other people's devices to get the work done. Even though I worked through many creative fears and limiting beliefs over the years, a few mind worms lingered in the darkness. I didn't realize how debilitating the untrue thoughts were until I started using this computer and saw the many possibilities of what I could do. 

The new purchase was more involved than looking at my finances. I had to revisit my writing intentions and determine the best ways to stay on track. Below are the biggest takeaways from my new purchase:

✨ There is a difference between spending and investing. A financial investment can have a non-financial return. I wanted to have the freedom to write on a reliable device. The return has been more time spent on writing and not on technical faux pas. I know now delaying the purchase in the short term was causing me long-term stress and grief. And I plan to establish and maintain a creative budget to assist with future financial decision-making. 

✨ Learning new things is an integral part of the creative journey. Researching my technical requirements for this computer was the most fun part of this experience. I can now share this advice with others looking to purchase a computer for their needs. We should never stop learning, questioning and growing our knowledge to continue our craft.

✨ I have fewer excuses to hold me back. I can hold myself accountable for current and future intentions, and track my progress. In addition to writing, I look forward to using new time management and planning tools to increase my performance and output for greater success. 

✨  We need to care for our bodies and minds with more than bath salts, barefoot nature walks and healing mantras. I have written about self-care many times, and this purchase falls into this category. If I continue to stress about technical failures and have less time to write, I harm my mind, body, and spirit. Over time it could take a toll on me to a point where I question whether or not I want to continue this path. 

There may be times when we feel hesitant to invest time and money in our craft. As this pendulum intertwines with “Adulting,” it is easy to find excuses to stop or not take that first step on the path. We do need to take time to reflect and recenter our priorities from time to time. This means the possibility of buying the book, the course, the higher-end supplies, and the technical hardware/software to hone our skills and ourselves. Investing in our craft can increase self-confidence and enthusiasm in all parts of life. 

My writing journey experienced a few challenges this year, particularly on the technical side. I have turned many corners along the way and owning this awesome computer is another turning point in shedding the mind worms. With chapters and poems already written and outlines waiting to be explored, I cannot wait to see where my shiny new baby takes me.

Take care and don’t be too thrifty, fellow creatives.

Nadine