From Gut Uncertainty To Tech Hiccups

Below are my takeaways from this month:

• Don’t wait for a friend or an acquaintance to make the first move. Take time to reach out to people you haven’t heard from in a long time, without expectation of a response.

• When technology turns on you (and it will), don’t let its evil ways pull your creative mojo away.

• Don’t talk the talk if you aren’t going to attempt to walk the walk.

I am ashamed to say I almost turned into a phoney baloney again. As I became overwhelmed by a ricochet of events, I nearly forgot to practice the things I have preached in this newsletter for over a year. 

I write about facing fears, living in the present moment, believing in yourself, and taking the plunge into creative endeavours. I have also shared my frustrations about technology and my paranoia about SKYNET taking over the world.

With my last newsletter, my gut was out of sync and technology was not on my side.

I could blame Skynet for infiltrating my home, taking down the little person trying to fulfill a dream and encouraging others to create beautiful things. 

And I will.

Because none of it made sense at the time.

Let’s rewind to the beginning of this story.

June 3rd:

I continued to reflect on Jim Henson and how I nearly allowed limiting beliefs to keep me from starting on the creative path. How could I apply similar learnings to other parts of my life?

There were friends I wrote to when I launched this newsletter and didn’t reach out again. I felt the urge to send notes to those I hadn’t heard from in months. I had no expectation of people returning my messages. I understand how “LIFE” can get in the way. True connections will always live on.

June 12th:

I struggled with the second draft of my upcoming newsletter, which I planned to publish the following morning. I could not figure out why. Should I write about something else? My gut was unsure… and craving chips.

I have an unwritten rule about completing a decent newsletter draft before bed and working on final edits the next morning (publication day). 

The draft was random jot-notes about nothing. Frustrated, I decided to work on the newsletter in the morning with fresh eyes.

June 13th:

I sat in front of the laptop in the early morning. I reread the notes. Nothing. I had zilch to contribute and nada to edit. I was still tired. A part of me wanted to crawl back into bed and forget about the newsletter. 

I decided to step away and journal first.

After a brief journaling session, I went back to it. I began to see how to weave the words together. 

I had to put the editing on pause when the family woke up. Once they were set up for their day, I returned to salvage mine. I spent another three hours working through Draft #3 and thinking about images. I hadn’t taken this long to create and review a draft. My gut was not interested in getting into the flow. It was still craving chips, I guess.

I knew I would miss my target deadline to publish (between 11:30am and 12 noon). I was fine with publishing an hour or two later. All was good…

Until Skynet got involved.

By 12:30, Skynet possessed the Chromebook I was working on. All of a sudden clicks were happening everywhere. It kept opening up windows and turning off others. It made edits to Google Docs I didn't want to edit or even open. 

I stepped away from the Chromebook, thinking it needed time alone to think about what it was doing. When I returned, the “random” clicking continued. 

I gave the Chromebook a time-out. I shut it down and left it in another corner of the room for 5 minutes. When it came back the behaviour continued. 

This Chromebook has acted up in the past in a similar way. Oddly, it never behaved this way on a newsletter launch day. Was this a sign? Am I supposed to quit? Is this the end… to newsletter writing? Am I a failure?

Despite the challenges, I decided to keep going.

“You're not getting me, Skynet. I have a secret weapon… another laptop I never use.” 

This will turn out extremely well… right?

Sure enough, the spare laptop was also possessed. Many pages refused to load. Google Docs kept crashing. I couldn’t view my bank of stock images online.

I used this laptop two weeks ago and had no issues. This time it was slower than molasses. It was like AI infected my computer because I had yet to purchase Microsoft Office Suite.  

“Oh no you don't,” said Skynet. “You are not using these computers on my watch!”

“I'll show you Skynet. I am in my final edit phase. I will print a copy of my newsletter and edit by hand. With a PEN!” I was all excited.

I went to the printer and pressed the power button.

It wouldn't turn on.

I pressed and pressed and pressed more. Nothing. 

I checked the cords and the outlets. Nothing.

I repeated the same step for at least 15 minutes in disbelief. I walked away and tried again for another 10. 

I asked my husband Mark to check the printer.  

“Yup, it’s dead,” he confirmed and returned to his studio.

“This cannot be happening,” I thought, “My printer died?”

DAMN YOU, SKYNET!!!

WHY ARE YOU SO CRUEL? WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS??? 

How was it possible to have two computers and a printer go into disarray in the same afternoon?

I tried not to scream. Instead, I hyperventilated.  My gut was confused and queasy from the tech baloney I was consuming.

“No one will notice if I stop sending these newsletters,” Defeated Me told myself. “Nobody will miss them. I’ll take a break… a permanent break.”

“Wait,” Other Me responded, “You went through a similar experience last year. Do you remember when your daughter told you to take a break and you politely said HELL no??? What has changed?”

SKYNET.

And the fear of technology going out of its way to steal my dreams.

However, why should this mean I quit? Wouldn't this label me as a hypocrite?  I recently told everybody to believe in themself and not to give up!

I took deep breaths. As soon as my mind and gut felt at ease, I walked into Mark's studio and spoke as calmly as I could.

“I NEED TO USE YOUR COMPUTER RIGHT NOW TO FINISH MY NEWSLETTER!!!”

“Of course you can, I am surprised you didn't ask sooner.”

I screamed quietly on the inside. 

“But I am cursed by Skynet. I may break your computer with my mind.”

“You'll be fine. Go for it.”

A few more hours and tears later, I created a final draft and published the newsletter in the evening. 

Not even an hour after hitting SEND NOW, I received three messages from friends who were also newsletter subscribers. They reached out to say hello and were happy to receive the newsletter. There were no comments about it being later than usual.

June 14th:

I was happy to begin the morning with my journal.

June 15th:

I received a text from a friend I reached out to a few weeks ago.

I allowed techno-paranoia to consume me. It was not fun. I muddled through the experience by reflecting on my words and living out what I write about. If I can’t be an example of my messages to the world, then what’s the point? 

Words are powerful. Our words and actions will mirror our beliefs when we aim for authenticity. Despite facing challenges, we should strive to "walk the walk, not only talk the talk."

Skynet may take away my devices, but it will never take away my FREEDOM… I mean my DRIVE (to keep on creating). 

I plan to practice what I’ve preached based on learnings this month:

• Continue to reach out to family and friends. Remind them why they are significant in my life.

• Reflect more often on my own words and advice to ensure I am still walking the talk.

• Plan for multiple Skynet attacks. When it tries to ruin my day, breathe and KEEP GOING. With a calm mind, I can be more resourceful around tech failures.

• Give your gut what it craves: rest, a space to vent (thank you JOURNAL ♥️) and, most importantly, chips. 

I’m curious… if I had chips when I first had the cravings, would any Skynet problems have taken place? 

Something to contemplate for another newsletter…

Enjoy the day and keep going, fellow creatives.

Nadine