Shaking Off the Fear COOTIES

How am I with the dark these days?

I wrote more than I planned about the October-pocalypse. Happy to say I have seen the potential for November light. Despite the time change and less sun in the mornings, I don't feel like I am constantly in the darkness anymore. Each day becomes easier to learn how to step out from whatever darkness surfaces. I am always grateful to my friends and family for supporting me. 

My husband’s perspectives on life and art have always been a huge motivator. The beginning of November was a great pick-me-up as I was reminded of his creative wins and the talents I have to offer.

Last week was my daughter’s turn to catch me before falling…

A few years ago, Mark began sharing origami books with our daughter. One summer we had origami flowers, swans, and cootie catchers all over the house. She made many for us and her friends. The amount of thought going into her gifts was mesmerizing. It was nice to see her being so genuine, generous, and kind.

As I was working on the second draft of last week's newsletter, my now 10-year-old was in the room with me making mini-origami swans. She has taken an interest in my newsletters so at times I will read them aloud to her, as I do occasionally with personal journal entries. I mentioned to her how happy I was with October being over and, at the same time, grateful to experience all I did in the month.

Within about 10 minutes, my daughter handed me a folded-up piece of paper.  

“What is this for,” I asked without fully looking at it. 

“Look at it,” she responded.

At first, I thought it was a secret note. Nope, it was a COOTIE CATCHER. Cootie catchers, or paper fortune tellers, usually have a colour on the outside you have to choose.  This one had words.

The first word I saw on it was FEAR.

“Wait,” I blurted, “what kind of cootie catcher is this?”

“Try it, mom,” my daughter asked. She intently watched as I examined her latest invention. 

There were four words on the outside: FEAR, SADNESS, ANGER and FRUSTRATION.

Inside were the traditional numbers you choose when playing.

The “fortunes” were advice (e.g. “take a break,” “get a glass of water”) or pats on the back for making it through (e.g. “you can do this” and “keep on going!”)

When I first did this, I selected: “Deep breaths.”

“Is this for me?” I asked.

She nodded.

“Holy crap, thank you!” I gave her a huge hug. I may have squeezed her too tightly.  

I examined the rest of the words and advice closely. My daughter was not only listening when I spoke and wrote about fear and self-care, she wanted to help reiterate the solutions I wrote about and provide words of encouragement.  

This wasn't a cootie catcher. It was more like a FEAR catcher, or a “YOU GOT THIS” catcher.

Ooh, a “Naddy catcher?” A “Family” catcher? Dare I name it with some sort of acronym???

Is the name really important, BRAIN? I love it, no matter what it ends up being called.

I was so taken aback by my kid caring enough to help me stay out of the Oct-funky-tober mindset.

I came to another realization.

She listened to every word I said about the October BLAHs, BLUEs, BOOs, GRRs, A-HAs and everything else. Should I have been so open with her?

If she is listening when I am not aware, what is it I want her to know? What experiences and lessons do I want to pass along to help and not hinder her? What should I hold back on, if anything?

I don’t want to hold back on being my authentic self… especially with my child. I want to be honest with my emotions and experiences. Life is not always rosy, and it is not always full of poop. It is habitual to get caught in the poop side of the drama and forget how to step out. I wrote about this many times as I stumbled along my creative journey. 

My daughter observed and absorbed as I learned to pull myself out of the dark. She heard the struggles AND the various resolutions and possibilities to help me. She was loving and kind to contribute to my experience in her unique way.

The FEAR catcher as a tool is a lovely gift I look forward to keeping close along my journey.  It will help me acknowledge the issue at hand and determine my next best steps.

How do you handle being in the dark?

There are many paths to take when you are surrounded by fear, anger, frustration and sadness. And in those extreme times, it seems like there is not one path available.  It is easy to get stuck and not know where to go next, especially when you believe you are alone. 

No matter how scared you are, no matter how lonely you get, no matter how dark and hopeless you may feel at this moment…

Always make sure you have a flashlight wherever you go.

Your flashlight is a beacon of hope, a call for help, and a sign for things to come as you shine it away from your face and in the direction of the path you are on. It is easier to make a decision or a choice when you are not in the dark.

Fear loves the dark. Fear thrives on lower vibrations and depleted energy.

We all need fear catchers. They may appear to you in the unlikeliness of places when you’re able to shine your light.

Grateful always to my loving daughter for this reminder as we continue to waddle through life learning together.

Until I write again,...

Fold gracefully and shine on, fellow creatives.

Naddy / Nadine