When a dream dies

Spoiler alert: stop reading immediately if you are a true believer in Santa Claus. Children under 10 (and “children at heart”) should pass on this edition.

Warning - this newsletter may contain scenes of nudity (stripping beliefs of dreams coming true or the “Spirit of Christmas”), and coarse language (similar to “Happy Holidays!”) which may be offensive to some readers. Discretion is advised.

“Is Santa real?”

My daughter has asked me this question, in various forms, since she was 5 years old. I wasn’t a huge Santa fan, and I struggled with the lying, but went along with the fantasy of him being real. 

I told her THE TRUTH in September 2022, when she was 9 years old, and requested a heartfelt talk about Santa. 

She took the news very well. It was an interesting conversation that inspired a short story I submitted to Reedsy earlier this year. 

2022 was one of my favourite Christmases with the family.  Hallmark highlights include, but are not limited to: not rushing to create a letter from the North Pole, no wrapping specific presents in “special Santa wrapping paper,” and no milk and cookies sitting out all night for some fake burglar… don’t forget the carrots for Rudolph! I must run to the grocery store to buy the bloody CARROTS!!!

Before you demonize me as a GRINCH or Scrooge (like many of you do this time of year - YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE), need I remind you I was recovering from a myomectomy (surgery) last December.  I did not want or need the stress from all these “Santa” tasks. (Plus, I’m holding back on a RANT - I get major anxiety around Christmas and I am tired of feeling forced to conform. Details for a future newsletter… possibly.) More importantly, we don’t always have carrots on hand.

Despite my daughter knowing THE TRUTH and enjoying last year’s celebrations, she recently requested we continue to PRETEND Santa was real this year.

“I want to keep the Spirit of Christmas alive Mom,” she tried to convince me.

UGH. I was not convinced. 

Gifts are not the issue. Santa needs to be CANCELED for good in my house. 

My daughter was trying to keep a childhood dream alive. I didn’t think about her perspective at first. The dream died when she was nine and I shared MY truth.  In short, I killed HER Santa. Insert mega-mommy guilt. 

Why does my daughter want to continue, as I saw it, “living a lie?” Or is it a “LIE?” Her dream of experiencing “the magic" at this time of the year did not die inside her despite knowing THE TRUTH. She chose to continue following a similar dream. Unfortunately for me, this dream included Santa.

I thought about this from a writing and creative perspective.

• What does one do when dreams die? 

• How do you know when to allow an unfulfilled dream to die?

• And how do you bring the dream back alive? Should you? 

When you take a dream, adapt it to nearly all aspects of your life, push creative boundaries, and the results (if you get this far) leave you spinning in your wheels, it is hard to accept this loss.

Dreams are not plug-and-play visions of sugarplums dancing around in your head (unless you are a dancer… and your dream is to dance on stage dressed as a sugarplum). If a dream dies inside you, it is hard to replace it with a new one. As creatives, what do we do? 

✨ Similar to losing a loved one or thing, we must experience creative grief.

It’s normal to be emotional when things don’t work out. There is no timeframe for grief. Without mourning the loss of a dream, it is harder to analyze WHY and HOW the dream died. More importantly, grieving is part of acknowledging the dream that died within you.

✨ A form of growth can stem from a loss.

After we mourn the death of a dream, while being mindful not to wallow in self-pity, what's next?  What is the lesson here?  What did we learn about ourselves and our surroundings when the dream died?  What did we learn from the dream when it was alive? How did it make us feel BEFORE the dream died? 

Stop and reassess from various perspectives. Did the dream die? Did it change? Or was it given subconscious permission to leave us, as the SPARK was no longer there?

✨ When is it OK to grab hold of another dream? Where do we go from here?

We are always dreaming. After mourning and analysis of a specific dream, we should permit ourselves to let go. It may not serve us in the same way anymore. If we focus solely on what was lost, we will never have gratitude for the things we currently have or make room for once to come. 

Also, continue dreaming. It may take time before we can open our hearts and minds (and GUT) for a new or revised dream to take hold. And yet there is always another dream out there to grab hold of (when we’re ready).

I stopped writing for many years because I allowed others’ opinions to influence my passions and what to continue pursuing.  I have always loved writing but the dream of writing wasn’t enough of a dream for me to hold on to with the background noise of discouragement.  I allowed fear to hold the reins. As soon as I began to work with my fears, I was able to write again. 

I used to be ashamed of giving up on my writing dream. I see it now as a blessing. I know and accept myself more, and I made the time to grow alongside my family.

The more I think about writing goals & intentions, the more I think about my dreams, dead and alive. I haven’t given up on a dream to write a book. Daily writing was the catalyst to get me started with writing again, followed by personal essays, short stories, poems, and this newsletter.  I have and will take online writing courses while building a network of new and seasoned creatives supporting each other.  These initiatives point in the same direction and bring me closer to my dream.

My daughter, who has unique dreams she aspires to, enjoys the engagement from an imaginary “Santa” on a day when we are spending family time together. It is her imaginative way to create an eventful day.  Do I deny this new version of “fake Santa?”  OR… how do we compromise on a joint dream and create a new tradition at this time of year?

No matter what direction we go, I am grateful for the family I have.  My husband and daughter continue to remind me to live my dream every day.

And on that note, I must be off. I need to go buy carrots…

Enjoy whatever version of the holidays you choose to create, and keep on dreaming, fellow creatives.

Naddy / Nadine