Me? A REAL writer???

In recent newsletters, I wrote about the importance of supportive communities and friends during your creative journey. The more I wrote about friendship, the more grateful I became about my diverse clan of friends. I also thought about how we define certain friendships. Do we create these silos for dominance? To protect ourselves from harm? Are we afraid to be hurt by these friends? Or is it a self-sabotaging way to limit our potential?

A month ago, I had the pleasure of meeting up with a friend for the first time in person.  Donika and I met on Twitter/X over a year ago and developed a strong bond. Despite living in different cities and countries, she happened to be in my neck of the woods on March 31st this year. The magical evening was filled with big hugs, hearty laughs and delicious pecan pie. This event also sparked pages of writing about friendships.

After our meet-up, I heard people say our “Twitter friendship” took a big step as it is now IN THE REAL, or “in real life” (or IRL for all those obsessed with acronyms). Why is a Twitter friend of any lesser value than a friend discovered outside of Twitter? For me, they are not. All friendships require a similar amount of work and nurturing.

With the rise of social media usage, I noticed the boundaries placed around relationships. I often hear and read, “That’s just a FB / Twitter / online friend” (in comparison to how they define a “real life” friend). My observations showed a “real-life” friend usually ranks higher than a social media friend. Why are we ranking our friends? If I am real, isn’t everyone I consider a friend IN REAL LIFE? And what purpose does it bring to label these friends other than to create a false sense of control over the relationship? Some paths are meant to bloom into friendships whether in the virtual or physical world. 

Labelling for divisive purposes brought me back in time to a conversation of a similar sort. Mark and I met many local ceramic artists in Edinburgh, Scotland in Spring, 2008 (our British CLAY Tour - a story for another time). One in particular struck up a long conversation with Mark before finding out he also worked with clay. She asked, “Are you just a potter or are you a real ceramic artist?” I laughed at the question. “Just” a potter? A “real” ceramic artist? I didn’t understand at the time what she was implying. Why did it matter? Whether one chooses the label potter or ceramicist, both create beautiful things and share their vision with others through clay. Which of the two are of lesser value? 

In The Matrix, Morpheus asks Neo what is REAL. I continue to ask myself this question about many labels. For example, what is a real friend? Is someone I meet online and develop a mutual bond with considered “real” if I never met them in person? Because I can’t see, touch or smell this person, would this relationship be of any lesser value than a friend in which I can? 

And there lies my biggest challenge - how to label my current writing endeavour (if at all). Many assume I have taken on the title of WRITER, including myself at times. Yet some question if I’m a REAL writer… including myself. 

Long ago, I refused to call myself a writer for many reasons. I didn't value my work or myself.  I felt unworthy of the title, of the label. I compared myself too much to other people. I listened to others who would either belittle or put me down, telling me I wasn't worthy or good enough.  I didn't want the title if it meant being challenged every time I used the word. Now I am asked if I am a real writer. That's an even worse label than plain “writer.” I'm not sure how to answer without revisiting old fears. 

What is a REAL writer? Is that even a thing? When I Google “What is a real writer,” the majority of responses define it as someone who engages in the process of writing “regularly and consistently.” (I could ask A.I. the same question, but I am not ready to fuel the end of the world yet with more data…) 

Is Google right? Is it possible to define a real writer? Is there such a thing? What makes a writer real or not real? Do I need to taste, smell or touch the writing because Morpheus says so? Should I be concerned about being singled out? Does this mean I am NOT REAL?!?!? Am I in THE MATRIX? (It would explain a lot if I was…)

Questioning “what is real” as part of my creative path also questions current beliefs. It acknowledges the struggles with my sense of identity and direction. Despite the challenges faced with other labels throughout my life, “writer” stumps me the most. Writer and “real writer” labels make me question whether I want to continue exploring writing. 

It scares me when I think about not writing. The reality is that fear debilitates us. I do my best to work around and with the fear to continue writing. Regularly reviewing intentions helps me to reflect and focus, which in turn builds my confidence. My journal is a great place to write down certain beliefs at the moment and review them at a later time to see if anything changes. Conversations with my friends and the community about my doubts are helpful. I know I am not alone, regardless of labels.

A label holds power if and when you choose to give it power. I write because I love to write. I write because I need to. I have committed to my passion. Money, fame and published works (none of which I have at the moment) are not how I define my success. I will continue to create with words every day.

This is why I enjoy the label CREATIVE. It is a hard one to deny.  We are all creative.  Some of us are afraid to begin creating, while others have forgotten how. Yet we are all capable of “creating” at any time in our life. I enjoy the charge I receive from this label. This is why I share this charge with you with every newsletter salutation.

Starting and staying on a creative path is already daunting at the best of times. Don’t let others’ fears define you with their labels. Be mindful of taking on labels that take away your charge. If one chooses a creative label, wear it proudly without shame or fear attached. And if you don't need it anymore, be ok to let it go.

Enjoy the blooms of May, meat popsicles… I mean, fellow creatives.

See you in two weeks!

Nadine